I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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