some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
