the condom got lost in my hair
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
