things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
