Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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