dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
