I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
