dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
