Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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