I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
