Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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