i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
