so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
