Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
