party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
