This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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