Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
