Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
