True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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