I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
