Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
