you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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