My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
