Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
