Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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