hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
