I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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