Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
