i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
