Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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