PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
