my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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