just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
