My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
