what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
