Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
