My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
