I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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