the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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