oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
