Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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