**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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