i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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