Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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