And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
