well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
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I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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