Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
