do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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