I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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