There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize