i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
