thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
