Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"