i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We got so high we made milksteak
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.