I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon