I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
