i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs