i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.