Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
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The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
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We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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