Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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