Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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