I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
