whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
