He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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