The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
