My nipple is on Facebook.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
