She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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