i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
