I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize