god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
