I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
