I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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