I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
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I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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