There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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