I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
