everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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